


Beneath the Moon

by through-the-stars-to-the-pavement (delicate_mageflower)



Series: Sun, Stars, Earth [3]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Grief, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mourning, Multi, Overprotective Sokka, Past Sokka/Yue (Avatar), Post-Hundred Year War - Freeform, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sokka deserves happiness, Sokka has a heart as strong as a lion-turtle and twice as big, Sokka needs all of the hugs, Sokka's trauma needs comforting too, Suicidal Thoughts, canon character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:00:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25997143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delicate_mageflower/pseuds/through-the-stars-to-the-pavement
Summary: They were once so young, yet never children.(That's rough, buddy.)
Relationships: Sokka/Suki/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Sun, Stars, Earth [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1967482
Comments: 14
Kudos: 334
Collections: AtLA <10k fics to read





	Beneath the Moon

Every full moon, Sokka stays up late to sit outside and watch the sky. And once a year on the same date, whether the moon is full or not, he does the same but always comes to bed far too close to morning and with bloodshot eyes.

It takes Zuko much too long to connect the dots, to remember the significance of the day in question. He was there, after all. It was Zhao’s doing, not his, but he played a part. His own hands guided Zhao to the Avatar, to the North Pole, to the moon spirit, to the necessity of Yue’s sacrifice.

He knows he is long since forgiven, that his loved ones have come to understand the turbulence of his youth that put him on that path and none blame him for it anymore. But he has yet to forgive himself, and catching Sokka balling his hands into fists and holding himself beneath the moonlight, sniffling but otherwise keeping himself quiet, on the anniversary of the last night of the Fire Nation raid on the Northern Water Tribe, doesn’t help.

It’s a strikingly clear night around the palace, not a cloud to be seen. The moon is not full but it is bright, vibrant, truly a sight to behold.

It almost appears to be looking back. Maybe it is, Zuko considers. Maybe _she_ is.

_“My first girlfriend turned into the moon.”_

_“That’s rough, buddy.”_

Zuko never questioned whether Sokka could have been making up a statement so unbelievable. He hadn’t stopped to doubt it at all. But in hindsight perhaps that’s because he’d already known it to be true, he simply wasn’t yet privy to the more personal details of the event.

Zuko hadn’t yet figured out that Sokka had to watch his first girlfriend give her life for a series of misfortunes of which Zuko himself was the catalyst.

And now seeing Sokka like this…

Fuck.

“Zuko?” Sokka doesn’t turn around, but he is well trained enough to hear the footsteps pacing in tight figure eights only a few meters behind him. “Hey, uh, what’s up?”

“Umm, nothing. Just came out to visit the turtleducks. Decided to take a walk. It’s a, uh, a nice night.”

“Yeah.”

“Sokka…”

“It’s alright, Zuko. It’s no big deal. It’s just…”

“You really cared about her.”

“I did. Yeah.” Sokka sighs deeply, and Zuko is hesitant to approach. Sokka spots his anxious distance, though, and beckons him near. “Come on, love, sit down.”

Zuko does, but Sokka doesn’t break his gaze from the sky.

“Not sure how she’d feel about…about, umm, _this,”_ Zuko mutters, surprised when Sokka grabs his hand.

“I am,” he whispers. “At least, I’d like to think so. I didn’t know her for very long but…Yue was _good,_ Zuko. Too good. She gave everything of herself, even before…you know, she did, uh, _that._ She was loving and kind and I think…I think she’d be happy we found each other. Maybe a little confused at first, sure…”

Sokka laughs softly, and it’s forced but he’s trying.

“But she’d be happy. For me, and for you. She’d care about you, too, if she knew you. The real you. And she’d want _me_ to be happy, I know that. And I am. I am happy, with you and with Suki—I mean, _spirits,_ I swear I am the luckiest guy alive to land the _two_ loves of my life, holy shit, but…”

“It’s not your fault, Sokka.”

“Sure,” Sokka replies flatly, sardonically. “It’s not _your_ fault, though, you know.”

“Yeah, heh. I guess I’ll believe that when you do.”

“Hmph.”

“So, umm, do you think she…”

“Do I think she’s really watching?” Sokka tries to look down because he knows Zuko just wants to help and that he feels he’s fucking it up far worse than he is. He can’t yet, though. He just can’t. “Beats me. I ask myself that same question all the time. If she’s not, I’m wasting my time and, fuck, now I’m wasting yours. But if she is, then she has to see how well I’ve moved on. And I meant it when I said I think she’d be happy, but that doesn’t mean it’s fair she has to watch, you know? Fuck, I don’t know, I don’t…”

“My uncle lost his son in the war,” Zuko interrupts, and Sokka is grateful. “My cousin, Lu Ten, he was killed during the Siege of Ba Sing Se. And yeah, now we get we were on the wrong side of the war back then, but…Lu Ten was Uncle’s only kid, and he was a great dad to his real son, too. Losing Lu Ten, it kind of broke him. He fell apart. He gave up Ba Sing Se and came home to hear everyone talk about the ‘once great’ General Iroh. And every year on Lu Ten’s birthday, _every single year,_ he takes his portrait out alone for a memorial picnic. I’m not sure he’s ever told anyone but me about that, but… I guess what I’m trying to say is, you’re not wasting your time. Either way. You’re remembering someone you loved. And if she’s not watching, then you’re doing what you need to for you, to honor her in your own way, and that’s okay. And if she is, she definitely knows she’s never been forgotten.”

Sokka looks down then, and his steady crying becomes the slightest bit more obvious. “Huh. And you think Yue wouldn’t like you.”

Zuko is assertive enough for a second to wrap an arm around Sokka, who (much to Zuko’s relief) leans into Zuko’s shoulder.

“I was supposed to protect her,” Sokka whispers. “I _promised_ I’d protect her, and I couldn’t. I failed, Zuko. I’m a failure.”

“Sokka, can I tell you something? Something I never thought I’d say out loud?” Zuko’s hand starts to shake at Sokka’s back and he can’t believe he is about to reveal this at all, much less reveal it without plenty of alcohol leading up to this confession, but he knows it is something Sokka needs to hear.

“Yeah… Of course, yeah. What is it?”

“I’m not sure I’d, umm, _be here_ without you.” Zuko pulls Sokka in closer and he tries to tell himself it’s not his turn to cry. “You, specifically. You were the first person to treat me like I belonged in the group. You were the first person to make me laugh since I’d last seen my uncle. You were the first person, not counting Aang, to really need me for anything. You made me feel like…like I mattered. Or like I could. I was so lost and lonely and full of regret. I’d left behind everything for the slim chance you’d all ever be able to accept me. I walked out on a life of misery, and I was never going to be happy with it, yeah, but it was a life of luxury. I left that for what could easily have been a life of misery _and_ poverty, and the risk of having to do it all by myself. I betrayed Uncle. And then I hurt Toph. I was fucking up _everything,_ and I had no idea…”

Sokka isn’t looking at the moon anymore.

“I knew it was my destiny to help Aang defeat my father,” Zuko continues. “I _knew_ it, and I knew that meant it would happen no matter what. But I didn’t see friends in my destiny. I figured I’d play my part, the war would be won, and then I’d be on my own again. Uncle would never forgive me. You guys would never forgive me. And I didn’t deserve to be forgiven. I asked to be taken prisoner, remember? So I could still help, but not as…not as an equal. But then…I am so happy I made friends with _all of you,_ don’t get me wrong, but the moment I first wondered if maybe I’d be okay after all was when you sat down and called Aang and me ‘jerkbenders.’ And even though I tried to hide it, and even though I was so upset about my firebending failing me when you came in, that was the first time I’d smiled like that since…I think since before my mother disappeared. It was so small and silly but the way you just sat there, so casually, like you saw me—really _saw me,_ not saw through me—but you didn’t hate me, it…it gave me hope, Sokka. Uncle tried, he really did, and I could be so stubborn and stupid and ungrateful with him and he didn’t deserve that, but it’s true despite his efforts, I’d never felt like that before.”

“So, jerkbender, is that when you fell in love with me?” Sokka’s joking, not at all expecting Zuko to take him seriously. And yet.

“Yeah. Yeah, it kind of is.”

“For me, it was at Boiling Rock,” Sokka responds. “It was weird and so confusing with Suki there, and I didn’t know then that you could feel so strongly for more than one person and it could be okay, but when you didn’t leave me behind… I never expected you to stay. I didn’t want Suki to, either, but she didn’t surprise me. But I guess I figured even if you did care for some reason, and why should you, with Suki there you knew I wouldn’t be alone at least so you wouldn’t be _completely_ abandoning me if you took your chance to escape. But you didn’t. You stayed. And for once I felt like a person, not an obligation or an inconvenience. Even with Suki, she could have just felt like she owed me for trying to break her out. But you had no reason besides _kindness._ And that meant everything, and it showed me how little I actually knew about you—aside from how brave it was for you to run away and join us—and it had me dying to learn more. It wasn’t even so much that you did that for me, but that you’d do it at all.”

“I wanted to help you,” Zuko responds so easily. “I could never have left you there. I’ve done some fucked up things in my life, I know, but I wasn’t doing that anymore. I was doing right by the people I cared about. And I care about you. It was too important to you, getting your dad out. After what I did in Ba Sing Se, I didn’t want to ever let you down again.”

“But that’s not the point here, Zuko. That doesn’t…”

“I was a fucking mess, Sokka, you can’t tell me you didn’t notice _that._ It hadn’t been that long ago I was standing on top of a mountain during a thunderstorm crying and screaming and begging the lightning to strike me. And I still had my uncle with me when that happened. I guess I thought I might end up a casualty of war when Aang finally faced Ozai. Or that being alone after, I’d only be able to fend for myself for so long, and that would be that. But if I’m honest, I could probably have taken it into my own hands, too. Yeah, uh, that was definitely an option. But it never came to that. Because _you_ help me so much. Sokka, _you_ take care of me, and not only that but _you_ make me better. What happened to Yue wasn’t your fault but what’s happened to me _is.”_

“Yeah,” Sokka chuckles, but the dam is now breaking. “She would _definitely_ like you.”

“You take such good care of everyone, but don’t think anyone forgets you’ve been through it, too.” Zuko leans to the side, kisses Sokka’s forehead. “Your battle scars deserve healing as much as anyone else’s.”

“You mean like yours?”

“Shut up.”

“Uh-huh. Jerk Lord Jerkbender.”

“Sokka, I just… I wish you could see what I see. And I know, _I know,_ you say that to me all the time, this is how it feels, I get it. But you are so _truly_ special, and you’re so fucking overprotective of everyone you love and maybe it’s okay to let people take care of you every once in a while.”

Sokka’s upper body seems to weaken at Zuko’s words, falling forward as all of his restraint gives out. Zuko adjusts himself so Sokka can comfortably cry into his shoulder, muffling the sound which has risen in volume at an alarming rate.

It’s hard sometimes, too, remembering the airship strike. At points Sokka truly believed he was going to die there. He remembers telling Suki they’d figure out the next step if— _if_ —they made it that far. He remembers telling Toph he thought it was the end, and even without solid ground to feel he knows she knows he meant it. He felt her hand slipping from his, it seemed impossible she wasn’t about to plummet to her death into a sea of fire. And that would have been on his conscience, too. Except he wouldn’t have lasted much longer, himself. His leg broken, his weapons gone, pinned down by superpowered firebenders, their ship out of control—were it not for Suki, neither he nor Toph would have survived it. He wakes up shaking not infrequently, although his nightmares aren’t usually as loud as Zuko’s and that makes it easy for Sokka to treat them as less of a priority.

Suki and Zuko both see right through him, they both know his pain needs tending to, as well, despite his stubborn need to resist. It can be difficult to help him, but they do what they can in small, subtle gestures. Suki will sometimes slip calming herbs into his tea (Zuko’s, too, and occasionally her own), and Zuko will soothe him to sleep by regulating his own body temperature just right to be the most comfortable for Sokka to curl into and relax.

“You deserve protection, too,” Zuko tells him. “Let me take care of you for once.”

Sokka has had the weight of the world on his shoulders since his dad left for war, since he was put in charge of his whole tribe, since he was tasked with holding all of their lives in his hands. Thirteen was a tough age for Sokka and Zuko both, and their circumstances are drastically different but it bonds them all the same.

Once so young, yet never children.

“Okay,” Sokka concedes. His reluctance is clear in his tone, but Zuko will take it.

Zuko helps Sokka to his feet, still shaky and heavy from so many traumatic recollections all attacking him at once. He came out to mourn for Yue but is going back in carrying everything that has ever happened to him or those he loves.

_“I’m keeping my promise to Dad. I’m protecting you.”_

_“Goodbye, Sokka. I will always be with you.”_

_“I’m okay! Just finish the mission!”_

The first time Sokka ever saw Zuko, even, he was but one child alone against an entire Fire Nation ship. He had no idea who or what he was up against. He had no idea it was only one boat made up of a skeleton crew of outcasts. He expected a fleet to follow. He expected the fight of his life. These were the only logical conclusions. He knew he had no back up, and he knew he couldn’t win. He had no reason to believe anything else. He struck anyway. Because that was his duty.

_“Show no fear.”_

But he also can’t forget the first time he saw Zuko after the war was won, Katara treating a large new wound just below his chest, readying the red and raw and raised patch of skin for wrapping. Zuko winced at every touch, hissed in audible pain, but Sokka couldn’t stop himself from ignoring his pain—one leg broken, one arm subluxated at the shoulder with muscles torn—and running over to his best friend he cared for as more than friends and holding him close in his arms.

He hadn’t been there. He almost lost Toph and Suki but he hadn’t known how close he had also come to losing Zuko and Katara. Zuko protected one sister from another, almost definitely saved Katara’s life, and Sokka was so grateful for it but he hated that it almost cost Zuko his own life and that Sokka hadn’t been there, couldn’t be everywhere at once, couldn’t…

It still took a few more years for Zuko to find out how Sokka really felt about him, too. That would have been even worse, losing Zuko without ever telling him how much he loves him.

Boomerang never came back but his friends did, his family did, but he would never have been able to save them all, to save any of them, if the worst had come to pass, with how close the worst got to them, and he was helpless.

Sokka’s eyes are bloodshot and on fire, he feels so cold and scared like he’s back there all over again, but Zuko is warm and comforting. He is safety, a pillar of strength not letting Sokka fall, and he is safe. They all are.

No thanks to Sokka.

_“I’m not special… I can’t do anything.”_

“It’s late, Sokka. Maybe we should…”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

Zuko keeps an arm around Sokka the whole walk, and Sokka keeps looking behind him, his eyes yet lingering towards the moon.

“I’m sorry,” he mouths to the sky. “I’m so sorry, Yue. Please forgive me.”

Zuko pretends not to notice, but his arm feels a little warmer after that.

Suki is washing off her makeup when they enter the bedroom.

“Sokka?” she looks up at them, both of their faces so sad but Sokka’s blatantly tearstained.

“We were, umm, watching the moon,” Zuko supplies when Sokka opens his mouth but nothing comes out.

Suki nods. She understands what that means.

“Oh, my love,” Suki breathes out and cups Sokka’s face. She kisses him on the cheek and goes back to cleaning her face.

Zuko lies down face up in the center of the bed, and Sokka settles down to his right. Zuko pulls at him until he rests his head against Zuko’s chest, and Sokka is glad for the loose casual robes he’s left on that cover the lightning scar he’s not sure he could handle seeing right now.

He also can’t think about what Zuko said about how much Sokka did contribute to _his_ fate. The idea Zuko had been considering the end of his life like that is…

It’s too much to take. But he gets why Zuko felt he needed to know this. And it’s good he does. It means everything. Just like Zuko means everything to him.

But…

Damn.

Suki crawls in to Zuko’s left, like always. She leans over Zuko to caress Sokka’s hair.

And as was requested, he lets them take care of him for once.

Sokka notices the moon peeking in through the curtains, and for a moment it feels like it’s telling him it’s okay. Like it’s looking back and smiling. Like she really is watching, and she really is happy for him.

He decides not to think too hard on it, not to question whether or not any of that is possible.

All he knows for sure is while he may still dream of the moon, he is currently grounded to the earth and wrapped up in the sun.

He doesn’t usually sleep well on nights like these. That is not the case this time.

His earth and sun support him, hold him steady, keep him safe and warm. The moon may or may not be watching over him, but the bodies in this bed were surely sent by _someone._

They’ve all seen too much too young. They must all suffer the consequences of war, of trauma, of having never been allowed to be children.

But they aren’t children anymore, and war is over. And they have _this._ They have each other.

Love, safety, protection.

Sokka’s earth and sun beneath the moon. His everything.

He falls into it. He’s crying again, but all that means is Suki and Zuko hold him closer. The three of them together are hardly even taking up the space of two whole people, they are held together so tightly. And that’s what Sokka needs right now. Help he doesn’t know how to ask for yet has been so freely offered.

And sometimes he just needs to cry, and that’s okay. No one will judge him, no one will stop him. Right now he just needs to cry, so all that matters is that he does.

He can’t be everywhere at once. He can’t change the past. He can’t save everyone. And he can’t forgive himself for his greatest crime of being just one human.

But for the moment, he will let the good things in his life consume him. His earth and sun.

His earth and sun, beneath the kindness of the moon. Maybe she really did send them.

“Thank you,” he whispers under his breath, just in case.

_“I will always be with you.”_

“Thank you.”


End file.
